Just be yourself! It’s a refrain common to children’s books and television programs. It took me less than five minutes to find a book on my kids’ bookshelf that ended with the message, “If you want to be cool, just be you!"
Now, this is not necessarily bad advice. We as Catholics absolutely affirm the truth that each child is created unique and unrepeatable. In that sense, we want everyone to “be themselves”--that is, who they were created to be.
What the simple version of the broader culture’s “just be yourself” message tends to miss is that fact that children don’t really know who they are. They’re trying to figure it out. As we discussed last month in this column, young people are searching for their identities. It’s part of growing up. Those of us who are adults likely remember (perhaps with some embarrassment!) moments in our lives where we were trying out new things--a hairstyle, a choice of favorite musical artists, a new activity or peer group--as we were trying to figure out who we were supposed to be.
Yes, we do want kids to be themselves, but in order for them to do that, we have to help guide them into understanding who they are. That involves things like helping them to understand what their talents are, to understand what they enjoy, and to identify how those things play out in their lives.
This discernment process is more important than we might think. When I was a high school teacher, we had many students who would say something like, “I think I might want to be a doctor,” while at the same time avoiding all of the higher level science and math classes because they were too challenging or just not enjoyable. At the heart of that problem is a disconnect between students’ interests and skills and their vision of their own future. They didn’t realize that their own gifts and talents were not in alignment with what they thought were their career goals.
Dr. Brett Salkeld, in his book Educating for Eternity, writes, “It is not helpful to be told that I can do anything if there is no way to find out what I should do.”
At Blessed Sacrament, we are intentional about helping kids to figure out what they should do. We seek to help each develop a positive identity and a clear understanding of who they are created to be. Every single week in our Romans 12 period, we invite students to ask questions like, “What do I really love to do? What am I good at? What does God want me to do with these gifts He has given to me?”
Our goal is to help them to discern their future. As Dr. Salkeld says, “We don’t need to be able to do anything. We only need to find out what we are called to do and do that.”
Please, parents and guardians, tell your children to be themselves. But ground those conversations with the truth that they are unique, and God has a plan for them and their unique gifts.
Being who we are made to be is what will truly lead us to have happy, healthy, and productive lives. More importantly, it will lead us to sanctity and an eternal reward in heaven.